


Will you forget about me?

by pillow_prince



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Character Death, Depression, One-Sided Attraction, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:48:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pillow_prince/pseuds/pillow_prince
Summary: Shirabu opened his eyes, he didn’t know when he had closed them, to caught up in his thoughts. He looked out of the window again, still only gray. A lonely bird flew by, soaring high in the sky. He wished he could be like that, just flying away from everything, from all his problems. Finally being free. Maybe he would be reborn as a bird and then he would be able to fly, would be able to spread his wings, to feel the wind, to see the world. Not only he would be free, he would set all the people he loved free too. With him, the pain he felt and caused would vanish from this world. It would be so much better if he would just be able to leave and to escape to set all this an end.-or Shirabu is sick and knows there isn't really hope for him, he will die and that pretty soon. He only wishes he could see the person he loved again, even if Semi didn't loved him back,it still hurt that he didn't visit him anymore.
Relationships: Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Will you forget about me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first fanfiction and English isn’t my first language, so please don’t be to hard with me. I really hope you will enjoy reading this fanfiction. OK, maybe this is dump, I wrote pretty sad shit after all. Please also read the warnings, this really isn’t fluffy and has a bad ending. So if you are not comfortable with any of the topics please reconsider, if you really want to read this.  
> I will end this introduction at this point and hope you will enjoy reading this.

‘Will you forget about me?’

Shirabu Kenjirou laid in a hospital bed, an infusion at his side. He looked up at the sky through the window, he couldn’t see much from his position, just the endless gray of the clouds. They remembered him of the certain silver colored hair that he so loved. Not only the sky but everything around him seemed to loose color. Not that there was much in the plane hospital room. Even his skin had become a light shade of gray, the former rosy teint long gone. His eyes looked like they lost their sparkle a long time ago and it was true. There was nothing that kept the sparkle alive, so it had died. Just like Shirabu would die.

Where was he now? Shirabu thought, at practice, at home? Maybe he was on a date with her. With his gorgeous face, that enchanting smile and hair that was so perfect for running your hand through it everybody would want to go out with him who liked guys and had eyes. He missed him so much. When even was the last time he saw him? Two months ago? Maybe longer.

The last time he saw Semi he had looked tired, so exhausted, and he had that sad look in his eyes when he had said goodbye. Shirabu had known. Deep down he had known that Semi wouldn’t come back. But it still hurt. 

It had started slow. First Semi didn’t came everyday anymore. Then only once a week. And so on, till he wouldn’t see him for a month, and then he didn’t came at all.

Was he not worth it? Was he not worth visiting? No, probably not. He understood why Semi didn’t came anymore, it must have been painful for him too. But knowing this didn’t make Shirabu’s chest ache any less. 

Everything hurt, not only his heart but his whole body, every movement made his body throb in agony and even laying made his body feel heavy and sore. Maybe it would be better if he died, it would be easier. The pain would be gone, no more torture, no more overthinking. He wouldn’t be a burden anymore. Not for his mother and his little sister. And not for Semi. Semi wouldn’t have to feel guilty anymore for not visiting him. Did he even feel guilty? Shirabu wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He was just hurting all people around him. No one would be selfish if they would distance themselves from him, it was just logical. Why stick around if he would be gone soon anyway.

Most of his teammates and friend had done it. Not that he ever had many friends. Only Kawanishi still came to see him. And Shirabu was grateful for that, he enjoyed the time he spend with Taichi. It was the only time felt at least a tiny bit of happyniss, but even that was just a little bit of comfort. Every time Taichi left, Shirabu felt guilty for causing Taichi even more pain. He had tried to push him away, but Taichi knew him to well, he came nontheless.

So why wasn’t Semi? He knew the answer, but still couldn’t stop thinking about it. Shirabu expected it from most of the people in his life, but Semi was one of the few he hoped would be with him till the very end. And it had shattered his heart when Semi left him. Because Shirabu loved him, so much his heart felt like it would burst every time he saw him, so much that he would do everything to see him even one last time. But Semi chose not to be with him and he couldn’t do anything about it.

He had seen it on social media. That Semi was happy without him, that he had moved on. No that wasn’t right, there wasn’t really anything he could move on from, after all there never was anything between them. Atleast from Semi’s side. Shirabu had been in love with him for years.

He didn’t even know when it had started. First it was admiration, for this beautiful way of doing a jumpserve, for his precise playing style, for his ability to set to Ushijima so perfect. To give him the perfect opportunity to be the best version of himself on the court, to hit the ball with the most force and score.  
Then it was how Semi looked, his mocking grin when bickering with Shirabu. The look of concentration on his face when he set. How his hair would move when he jumped to serve the ball with such force, that it was nearly flat when meeting the floor on the other side of the court. How his eyes would lit up when he saw one of their teammates score or when he laughed with Tendou. How his fingers moved when he played the guitar, so caught up in his playing, that he didn’t even noticed Shirabu standing behind him, mesmerized by his voice.

But Semi didn’t seem to notice anything about him, besides of how annoying and much of a brat he was. And he seemed totally oblivious towards Shirabu’s mesmerizing glances and the blush on his face whenever Semi spoke to him.

No Semi didn’t love Shirabu, he loved someone else. A girl from his class, with beautiful long hair and big blue eyes. First Shirabu had hoped that she was just a classmate, just a friend. But the pictures of her and Semi on his Instagram account kissing and the posts on twitter calling her babe had destroyed his hope. He didn’t even know what he had hoped for. There never was a chance of him and Semi being together. But it still hurt to see him love someone else.

He looked so in love. Smiling at the camera while holding her in his arm. Shirabu truly wanted to hate her, wanted to hate him. But he loved Semi to much and she was making him happy, so he couldn’t, he just couldn’t bring himself to hate them. Not even her, even if she was the reason his last bit of hope had died, he couldn’t.

Shirabu opened his eyes, he didn’t know when he had closed them, to caught up in his thoughts. He looked out of the window again, still only gray. A lonely bird flew by, soaring high in the sky. He wished he could be like that, just flying away from everything, from all his problems. Finally being free. Maybe he would be reborn as a bird and then he would be able to fly, would be able to spread his wings, to feel the wind, to see the world. Not only he would be free, he would set all the people he loved free too. With him, the pain he felt and caused would vanish from this world. It would be so much better if he would just be able to leave and to escape to set all this an end.

In this moment Shirabu gave up, he just let go. He could not fight any longer, he was tired. And it felt good, not to fight anymore, not to fight against his own body, his own mind. And he fell asleep, the first time in so long with a smile on his face.

-

The next time he woke up, it was because of a distant beeping. It sound so dull, so distant, but it was enough to alarm him and open his eyes. His vision was blurry, he nearly saw nothing. But there was a beautiful face above him. And he smiled, the beeping was fading to the background. He only could focus on the face. Everything seemed so bright and so colorful at the same time and in the middle of all this was the face. 

Shirabu was sure that this wasn’t the real world anymore, because he didn’t felt the pain anymore and everything seemed so different, so unreal. 

“Finally”, he said. And the beautiful fave above him seemed to say something too, but he couldn’t hear it, the face looked so sad and frantic at the same time. It upset Shirabu, such a beautiful face should not look so troubled. This face seemed familiar, he knew this face from somewhere. ‘Semi’, he thought, ‘it looks just like Semi’. “So this must be heaven”, he whispered, “you look just like him, you know. I knew that angle had to look just like him, he was always so beautiful. Maybe you look like him because he was the one I loved the most… maybe you will love me, even if he didn’t.”

The face seemed to cry and shout something, but he couldn’t hear it.  
“Don’t cry”, he pleaded, “Please I don’t want to make you unhappy too, I caused him enough pain, it was to set him free, you know. I don’t want to be a burden for you too. He can be happy now and I can finally fly.”

He smiled and closed his eyes again. Maybe he would be a bird when he opened them the next time.

**Author's Note:**

> I again want to apologise for my not really skilled writing, (I promise I am a lot better in my native language). It would make me really happy and would help me, if you would write me a comment. I am open for constructive criticism especially about grammar. I use fanfictions to get better at writing in English and as a possibility be a bit creative. So if you have any ideas how I could improve my writing skills feel free to inform me.


End file.
